Chocolate Battle

First and foremost, I must admit my failure: this was a very bad weekend food-wise for me. On Saturday I ate myself into being sick, and last night, despite the urge to “be good” I picked at snacks, mostly sweets, to the point where I still felt full when I woke up. These are, in fact, perfect examples of binging. I know that path, and where it leads: weight gain despite disgusting purging. I hate vomiting. I try to avoid it as much as possible, but that is where massive binges lead, uncontrollable or guilt driven purges. On Sunday, my body forced the binge out, today, I am fighting not to allow myself to purge. I remember a time where I puked out almost every other meal; I don’t want to go down there again.

I do have to stop smoking. There is not anyway around it. Last night made it really obvious. My night snack binges are directly related to the fact that I smoke weed. Sad really, but not snacking while high would be an exercise in torture, rather than pleasure. So, in all fairness to myself, I want neither to sit and suffer nor do I want to binge myself into illness. The only reasonable solution is to stop smoking. After all, I will also be saving fifty, if not one hundred, dollars a month- another, undisputable, benefit.

I would usually enter a clause here about how smoking would still be OK or allowed on weekends. However, I have realized that it is the weekends that are the worst times for me “against food.” Not that food is my enemy, but my worst temptation.

I also need more will power to:
1. check on my WeightWatchers on a much more regular basis, at least twice per day.
2. not eat after 10PM (only because I don’t plan on sleeping until 2AMand waking up at 10AM).
3. get up an work out, not hang out in bed (no matter how good the cuddles are).
4. stick to my diet and points, or only eat the foods I can track the points for on the WW site.
5. avoid fast food, even when Josh wants it.

Best of luck (to myself of course).